yeah, i'm not looking forward to finding out what's up with the diabetes...
and the food stuff has been all over the place still. i haven't really acted out TOTALLY in any one way, but it's all been me playing mind games with myself to justify restricting or something like that. seems like i've been kind of feeding into the ED stuff, but not totally jumping in. i'm not sure if that's good or just manipulative of me! know what i mean? i just don't like how i look. i feel old. i feel immature for feeling any of this stuff. i feel like a bad example because i told one of my friends in recovery about the ED stuff and now he's wanting me to tell him how to loose weight... that just kind of makes me feel sick and a little withdrawn. the guy doesn't know what he's asking for and he doesn't realize what that does to me, but still. that's pretty messed up.
it's going to be a good year though. this stuff is just a small part of the bigger picture.
being clean, having my kids in my life, moving forward in my life... that's what really counts!
hey violet, hope you're doing well.
thanks for listening when i needed to talk, that means a lot!
happy newyear everyone