changingtobefree wrote:i'm glad you said something. loss hurts.
i'm just trying to be ok with being THIS uncomfortable.
In my experience, it's a point of reconditioning the mind to 'feeling' again, to accept the emotions that are a 'cause and effect' of life. It's no easy task and just saying it sounds silly but it's like an injury trauma victim learning to walk again, it's possible and with each small step, running becomes an ever closer reachable goal (been there/got the teashirt..lol)
i haven't used, and for now don't plan too, but have just been so very very sick of feeling. pretty much all over the place with e.d. stuff. no food for a couple of days, lot's of food for a few, loosing all my food for a few. wish it wasn't just perceived control that i gained through it. knowing better just makes it worse. all of it.
I so feel for you. You have all the jigsaw pieces though my friend (which many that never find a way back don't) so i'm certain that you will eventually fit them together in a way that portrays the true you.
just like knowing most all of this was my fault. just one of those days when feeling anything is feeling too much.
That is a self fulfilling prophecy of stagnation (i know because i still suffer the same), that apportioning fault leads to guilt and guilt leads to finding justification and the only justification is our own fault. You/we need to cleanse yourself of the never ending chain by pulling the plug, letting all the dirty water out in one go and start afresh. Yesterday has gone, you can only change the future.
how is your mom?
Thank You for asking. She is not good but better than expected. They gave her less than a year to live two years ago and then miraculously found (stumbled upon) that her blood iron level was so dangerously low that her aged internal organs where shutting down one by one. now they have addressed that problem she has stabilised somewhat but she's old and suffered for many years from slow deterioration, it's just a matter of time but at least the morphine helps her to be in less pain (poor darling)
Take care of yourself my friend. Keep looking forward.
Love and friendship...