Eating Disorder Poetry
Scaling the Mountain
I am climbing a mountain and it is a difficult journey.
When I am at the midpoint I see the top of the mountain and know that is where I want to be.
I climb slowly and carefully toward the healthy and satisfying life at the top of the mountain.
The journey is rocky and dangerous and I do slips at times, but as long as I stay above midpoint and keep the top of the mountain in my sights I can hold on to hope of reaching the top.
I carry weights that make it difficult to climb and often pull me down toward the bottom of the mountain.
I try to cut the weights away and let them fall, but I can't.
My desire for thinness, lack of self esteem, eagerness to please others, and undeserving thoughts have become a part of me.
They are no longer weights that I carry, but a real part of everything I think, feel, and do.
As I slip toward the bottom I lose sight of my goal to reach the top.
I now strive to just hang on and survive.
It becomes difficult to hang on and I slip faster towards the bottom.
I begin to think the bottom is where I want to be and stop reaching out for hands along the way to pull myself back up.
I convince myself, I am not lonely, I am not hurting and I do not need help.
I let go and fall.
As I lay in the fog at the bottom of the mountain I try to picture the top and can't.
I wonder if there is a top to the mountain and can I ever in my lifetime reach it?
Kim
Copyright 1999 by Kim Martel
