Successful recovery from an eating disorder requires you to spend an enormous amount of time thinking about who you are. Keep in mind that really looking at yourself honestly is not self-absorption; it is introspection. Self-absorption leads to a false reality; introspection leads to insight. Insight leads to truth.
We all have times in our lives when we need to concentrate on ourselves in order to survive. This is deﬁnitely one of those times for you. Your eating disorder has brought you to a point where you’re seeing that this introspection is really addressing your survival.
Pride—both your own and that of those who hurt you—will work against your recovery. Faulty pride cannot coexist with perceived imperfection; it’s impossible to be prideful when you recognize your own ﬂaws and weaknesses so clearly. You’re beginning to understand that your eating disorder was not the “perfect” solution it promised to be. You’re starting to remember that yours wasn’t the “perfect” family after all. You’re now seeing that your pursuit of being “perfect” yourself isn’t bringing you any sense of peace.
It’s okay to admit that you’ve made mistakes. To do so is simply to recognize your humanity. And it’s perfectly fine to recognize the mistakes of others; you’re simply seeing them for who they really are. It’s okay to understand the way others’ mistakes have affected you; you’re simply accepting reality.
Accepting reality means facing the pain and discomfort in order to process it and place it in its proper context. Within that context, your pain will cease to wield such unhealthy power over you. The truth will weaken the hold your self-destructive behaviors have over you. Truth is not something to fear; rather, it is something to be embraced. The truth will not diminish you, no matter how much your false reality says it will. The truth will complete you, giving you needed understanding of yourself and others. The truth will enable you to operate from a new reference point of strength so you can deal with future hurts, pain, and frustration.
False realities do not dissipate quickly. They are stubborn and hold on for dear life. But you must let them go. If you don’t, you won’t be able to change from wanting to die to wanting to live. You must let go of pride. Coming out of the darkness of a false reality of pride is not an overnight trip. It will require determination, perseverance, and faith. It will require an acceptance of your own weakness and an admission of your own need for God to strengthen you.
For many people, it also requires outside, professional support. Our team at The Center • A Place of HOPE is skilled at guiding people through a whole-person, individualized recovery program, designed specifically for you and your needs. We are standing by to help you face your eating disorder and to heal. Fill out this form or call 1-888-747-5592 to speak confidentially with an eating disorder specialist today.
Verbal and/or emotional abuse leaves no visible scars, so the tendency to deny that these events happened can be great. Often the parent will remember the circumstances from a very different perspective than the child. The child-self recalls one version of events, and the parent another. Which is right? They may both be.
When we were children, we remembered things from the perspective of a child, often unaware of the larger picture. Our parents may never have considered how their actions looked from our child-side. We need to take this into consideration when examining the past. We will need to accept the other’s version of what happened, and they must accept ours. Finding the truth, and working with our families to resolve issues, can be difficult. But it can be extremely illuminating and rewarding. It can mean the reconciliation of relationships. Or we might gain an understanding of the type of relationship we can realistically have as an adult with our families.. Much will depend upon the hurtful behavior that can be discussed and resolved, and the willingness of others to accept our pain.
Egregious physical or sexual abuse, by its very nature, may lead to outright denial by the abuser. The more valid the memory, the more vehement the denial can be. Because societal and religious condemnation of such acts is so great, the person who physically or sexually abuses may never truly admit what he or she has done. The abuser may believe that if the abuse is denied outright, the abused may begin to doubt that it occurred at all. In spite of this, the abused needs to acknowledge that he or she was hurt. Sometimes it really does not matter if memories are totally clear or recalled; the individual still feels the pain.
Another example occurs with eating disorders. It is possible to replace one’s faulty coping mechanism of an eating disorder with healthy life skills, helping withstand the stresses of life. Through counseling, one can learn to understand and accept their childhood and its pain. If a person can weather the storm of finally learning the truth and giving up an ideal image of the “perfect” family, the pain and hurt can become like parts of a puzzle, fitting into place and giving one a greater understanding of why our parents might have done what they did (or continue to do what they do). Once one understands the why, he or she can begin the process of filling the void in their life with healthy choices: with laughter and love, with family and friends, with good things, and with God. Food will stop having a demanding, overbearing presence in their life and mind.
One’s self-destructive behavior does not come about for no reason. Most people who develop a severe eating disorder have had some history of abuse, and if this is you, I encourage you to believe in what your past reveals. You must be determined to examine your past and accept the truth that is revealed. You must take the truth of your past and put it into perspective as an adult.
If you or a loved one is struggling from denial or past abuse, especially if there are signs of having an eating disorder, you may benefit from consulting an eating disorder specialist. Our team of eating disorder professionals at The Center • A Place of HOPE focus on whole-person recovery, and take special care to understand the many aspects in a person’s life that may be contributing to their eating disorder, including the possibility of past abuse. Fill out this form or call 1-888-747-5592 to get more information or to speak with an eating disorder specialist today. Don’t allow denial, your own or others’, to halt your journey to ward healing and recovery.
People suffering from an eating disorder often experienced some form of abuse in their lives. Emotional abuse is one such form of abuse that is frequently overlooked. Emotional abuse can either be verbal or nonverbal. Teasing, belittling, sarcasm, and taunting are all forms of verbal emotional abuse. Nonverbal abuse might take the form of expecting more from children than they can reasonably deliver. Conditional love, with its message of “I love you, but…” is also a form of emotional abuse.
Emotional and verbal abuse are easy to deny because the scars are hidden; there are no bruises to heal, no visible wounds to point to. It is harder to say, “Yes, this really happened!” If you have always lived with them, these behaviors might even seem “normal” to you. But for all of their seeming invisibility, they can be very damaging.
It can also be difficult to pinpoint the symptoms of emotional abuse as they happen in a person’s life. They may have grown up with the behavior, believe it to be normal, or worse, believe the abuse to be their fault. Here are thirteen signs a person is being emotionally abusive.
A person is emotionally abusive if they:
- Refuse to consider your opinion then attempt to force their opinion on you without consideration for your point-of-view.
- Always have to be right when there is a disagreement.
- Devalue your feelings with phrases like, “You’re crazy!” or, “How could you think such a thing?”
- Use unrealistic guilt—guilt that is not in line with the situation—to control your behaviors.
- Command instead of ask you to do things.
- Bring up past hurts to harm you.
- Verbalize forgiveness but bring up past issues to prove a point.
- Use threats, physical force, anger, fear, or intimidation to get their way.
- Practice conditional love.
- Display favoritism by comparing siblings.
- Incorporate harsh judgments in their communications, in order to produce feelings of shame.
- Misuse scriptures to get their way.
- Resort to screaming, yelling, and name-calling in any context.
If you or a loved one is struggling from emotional abuse, especially if there are signs of having an eating disorder, you may benefit from consulting an eating disorder specialist. Our team of eating disorder professionals at The Center • A Place of HOPE focus on whole-person recovery, and take special care to understand the many aspects in a person’s life that may be contributing to their eating disorder, including the possibility of emotional abuse. Fill out this form or call 1-888-747-5592 to get more information or to speak with an eating disorder specialist today.