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Co-Dependency, The Effects of Abuse & More

You are your own best friend

Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
Nathaniel Hawthorne

“The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is to play on the one string we have and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.”
Charles Swindoll

The Effects of Abuse on Self-Esteem

Dr. Irene’s Verbal Abuse…(Site)!
This site is for people whose love relationship is troubled by verbal and emotional abuse. If you think you may be victim, abuser (or both!), this site is for you.

Abuse in Relationships
Emotional, mental, verbal, and physical abuse as it applies to men, women, children, and pregnant women. Declaration of love, manipulation, power play, or verbal abuse? It is probably verbal abuse. Mental, emotional, and verbal abuse often turns into physical abuse. Physical abuse always escalates. You did not cause your abuse. Guilt is rampant in abuse for both the abused and the abuser. Don’t feel guilty if you are abused. Is it emotional abuse or manipulation or power plays? Abuse is very common in pregnancy. Abuse of kids and infants and teen-aged batterers are also covered.

Dating violence, eating disorders linked
By Marilyn Elias, USA TODAY

SAN FRANCISCO – About one in 10 girls and one in 20 boys have been raped and/or violently assaulted on dates, and they’re far more likely than other teens to develop serious eating disorders, suggests a study out Sunday.

The largest study ever on the link between date violence and eating problems used anonymous surveys of 81,247 Minnesota ninth- and 12th-graders.

Findings were reported at the American Psychological Association meeting by Golden Valley, Minn., psychologists Diann Ackard and nutritionist Dianne Neumark-Sztainer.

Among highlights:

9% of girls and 6% of boys experienced violence and/or rape on dates. (Ackard believes some of the boys’ encounters may have been with other boys.)

Girls who had been raped or physically assaulted were about twice as likely as other girls to binge or fast. Some 37% of assaulted girls said they binged; 57% fasted or skipped meals.

Boys experiencing violent attacks were three times more likely than other boys to binge and twice as likely to fast. Some 26% binged; 21% fasted.

Although the rates of dating violence look high, they’re close to those from a recent Massachusetts study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Ackard says. That report covered only girls and found a 20% date-assault rate. It concluded the attacked teens were more likely to have eating problems.

The Minnesota study also found poorer mental health overall among youths assaulted on dates.

Parents concerned about possibly harmful date experiences should watch for sudden drops in self-esteem, depression and suicidal talk from kids, Ackard says, because these may be signs of dating violence.

The tie between rape or assault and problems around food is not surprising, says Ann Kearney-Cooke, an eating disorders expert at the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute.

“The body is where the attack took place, so it becomes the battleground on which the kid tries to regain control,” she says. Food becomes symbolic of people. After violent episodes, “people seem toxic and unsafe,” so the teen tries to regain the control lost earlier by either not eating (anorexia) or vomiting food (bulimia), she says.

Kearney-Cooke’s research has found a tie between sexual abuse in adult women and eating disorders.

Co-Dependency and Self-Esteem

Singles often complain about dating jerks or losers that use them. Some will fall in love with unavailable people, yearning for something they cannot have. Still others put so much hope into their relationships that they are devastated when it ends

Facing Codependence : What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives
In this fresh new look at codependence, J. Keith Miller traces the origins of this illness back to childhood, describing a whole range of emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, and sexual abuses. Because of these earlier experiences, codependent adults often lack the skills necessary to lead mature lives and have satisfying relationships.

Escape from Intimacy : The Pseudo-Relationship Addictions
Bestselling author Anne Wilson Schaef examines the intriguing problem of relationship addiction, applying the addictions of sex, love, romance, and relationships to her broader addiction theory.

Web Sites on Self-Esteem is where you can find out more about yourself with Quizzes, Questions & Answers, Stories and secret techniques that help you change the things you want to change: past, present and future. Learn how to get in tune with yourself and others. Laugh hard with jokes and at yourself, learn from tapes, books, videos, newsletters.

National Association For Self-Esteem
The purpose of the National Association for Self Esteem is to promote and fully integrate self esteem into the fabric of American society so that personal worth, responsibility and integrity become paramount and commonplace in families, schools, the government and the workplace. This site provides a comprehensive overview of the Association including a calendar of events, membership information, and how to form a chapter. A rather plain site that is infrequently updated.

Animaction is dedicated to the self-esteem and talent of today’s youth. They create a unique environment for teens through the use of animated film.

Center for Social Therapy
For individuals who are experiencing problems with social anxiety, shyness, social phobias, social skills or unstable relationships. If you’re interested in Jonathan Berent’s widely acclaimed book, Beyond Shyness, How To Control Social Anxieties, this site may be helpful to you.
This site contains information to boost your self-worth. It provides jokes, motivational quotes, food for thought, etc. It also has many other links of interest. An easy site to follow, but somewhat plain.

Emotions Anonymous
Emotions Anonymous is a twelve-step organization similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, but for those seeking emotional health. This site includes general information about the organization, including traditions, concepts, and products for sale. Visitors may search for a local chapter by country, state, or city (there are currently 772 meetings listed in this world directory for the US). Frequently updated.

The Shyness Homepage
This, sponsored by The Shyness Institute in Portola Valley, California, is a gathering of network resources for people seeking information and services for shyness. This page encourages networking among those who face difficulty in achieving their professional and interpersonal goals. Only provides links to other informational sites.

Self-Esteem Update
This online newsletter attempts to educate its readers about the importance of self-esteem. It provides words of advice as well as lessons and special exercises for building self-esteem. We encountered numerous errors during our visit to this site, including broken images and problems with their use of javascript.

The Enchanted Self
Positive therapy is a revolutionary approach to healing dysfunction and promoting self-esteem which employs the art of positive memory retrieval as its central technique. Extensive studies have shown that positive memories, no matter how trivial, play a crucial role in establishing our ability to achieve maturity, contentment, and a strong sense of purpose.


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