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Ten Questions to Ask About Childhood Abuse

Ten Questions to Ask About Childhood Abuse

Resilient as children are, childhood abuse, in its various forms, can decimate a child’s sense of self.  Below are ten questions to consider when processing the struggles associated with childhood abuse.

  1. How would you feel about yourself if you grew up under the weight of unrealistic expectations from others?
  2. Would you get used to being a target for anger, rage, and hostility and think you deserved it?  Or would you last out at any hint of a repeat of such injustice?
  3. If you were constantly told you were to blame for what was wrong in the world, would you come to believe it?
  4. Would the humiliations you suffered cause you to think less of yourself?
  5. If your thoughts, actions, and opinions were always marginalized, would you assume you had nothing of value to contribute?
  6. If you spent vast amounts of time alone, isolated from peers or activities, would other people and social situations make you feel uncomfortable, unequipped, and nervous?
  7. If you were routinely yelled at, sworn at, insulted, and mocked, what would you learn about how one person speaks to another?
  8. If you grew up in a world where you were made to feel unsafe, threatened, and afraid, how easy would it be for you to relax as an adult?
  9. Would you trust the promises other people make if your experience growing up was that promises were spoken of but never delivered on?
  10. How would you think about others if the important people in your childhood sexually exploited you or physically harmed you or neglected your needs?

Childhood abuse has the very real capacity to damage a person’s sense of self.  A damaged sense of self creates complications in a person’s relationships with others.

If you have suffered from childhood abuse, you may need to work on the relationship with yourself before being ready to work on a relationship with anyone else.  The next person, or the next relationship, or the next marriage, is not going to “save” you.  First, you must work on liking who you are and feeling confident in being your best self.

Authored by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center • A Place of HOPE, and author of 37 books. The Center creates individualized programs to treat behavioral and mental health issues, including eating disorders, addiction, depression, anxiety and others. If you or a loved one is struggling with past abuse, The Center is here to help. Our team is skilled at navigating these sensitive issues. For more information, fill out this form or call 1-888-747-5592 to speak confidentially with a specialist today.

 

How Often Do You Express Vented Anger?

How Often Do You Express Vented Anger?

Vented anger, because of its “out there” nature, can be much easier to identify.  However, many people still attempt to diffuse it by calling it other names.

I’d like you to take a look at the following list of words and mark any you identify as part of your anger repertoire.  Be honest and bold.  If you have a loved one or close friend, consider asking him or her to look over the list and discuss it with you.  Other people are a good barometer of what you aren’t able to recognize in yourself.

  • Disappointed
  • Bitter
  • Resentful
  • Critical
  • Controlling
  • Hostile
  • Mean
  • Sarcastic
  • Frustrated
  • Insecure
  • Victimized
  • Destructive
  • Anxious
  • Irritable
  • Impatient
  • Blaming
  • Manipulative
  • Selfish
  • Prideful

All of these can be ways of expressing anger.  Look over your list and answer the following questions.

  1. What do you tell yourself when you feel this way?
  2. Does your thought life escalate or deescalate your feelings?
  3. How do you feel after you express these feelings?
  4. How do you feel about yourself?
  5. How do you feel about anyone else involved?
  6. How do you feel physically?
  7. How long does it take you to get over the feelings?
  8. Do you “replay” the event and the feelings inside your head?
  9. Are you ashamed of how you reacted?
  10. Are you remorseful over how you reacted?
  11. If you could get rid of one of these reactions, which one would it be and why?

Be aware of your anger levels over the next several weeks.  Write down, if you’re able, what you feel and any reasons you determine for feeling that way.  Note any out-of-line or extreme reactions or feelings.  Be sure to write these down for more examination, thought, and prayer.

Above all, remember you have an active partner in this process.  Just as God said to Cain, he says to you: “Why are you angry?  Why is your face downcast?” (Gen.4:6).  There is a why to all of this, a why that can be determined and brought out into the light.

If you or a loved one is struggling with a anger issues, The Center • A Place of HOPE can help.  Call 1-888-771-5166 today and a specialist will answer any questions you might have.